Tässä olisi Top 10 vähiten pelattua D&D hahmoluokkaa:
10. The Chaotic Evil Tailor
This seemingly irrelevant class was nonetheless responsible for the demonic stylings of some of fantasy's greatest villains. "Yes Balrog, the fire is definitely you, but how about accessorizing with a little shadow to compliment your eyes?"
However, I suspect many refused to play a tailor of chaotic evil alignment because his or her random malicious deeds of fashion design got in the way of party goals, as anyone who's tried on the pantaloons of gnashing teeth can attest.
9. The Necrophiliac
Dungeon Master: Okay, good hit -- roll for damage.
Dungeon Master: Wouch! Nice work. That'll do it -- the beast grasps its gushing wounds, topples, drops to its knees, and finally crashes to the ground face first into the mud. Everyone gets 1200 experience points.
Necrophiliac: So guys ... could I uh ... have a few minutes alone here?
8. Horse Thief
Dungeon Master: Clamping toward you on the roadway you see a noble knight of the Order of the Rose, astride his great white stead. He addresses your party --
Horse Thief: Whoa, on a fully trained warhorse?
Dungeon Master: -- uh, yes. The knight says, "Where are ye bound, fair travelers?"
Wizard: I bow low. "Greetings, sirrah!"
Dungeon Master: The knight brings his horse to a halt and salutes your par-
Horse Thief: I pull him off the horse and take it! [rolls dice]
Dungeon Master: Uh -- okay, now he's PISSED.
Horse Thief: Yeah, whoop! Let's see how fast ol' had-a-horse can run in platemail. HYAH! MUSH! Go!
Wizard: What about the rest of us!?!?
Horse Thief: Jack your own. I'm headed for Ye Olde Choppe Shoppe
Just as wizards have familiars, so too, do cockfighters have their prized poultry. While cockfighters could expect lucrative revenues in town, their usefulness in a dungeon was somewhat limited. At this point I'd like to encourage readers to finish out this joke by supplying their own ending, provided it uses one of more of the following key-phrases guaranteed to get a laugh: "choking the chicken"; "Henry, grab your cock!"; "At the first sign of orcs, he flipped them the bird"; and so on.
6. Dungeon Decorator
Dungeon Master: You creep through the door. The room you enter is 20 cubits by 20 cubits. There's a small stone display table ... here, and doors ... here and here.
Thief: I check for traps.
Decorator: I check for splashes of color. That last room with the dragon was heavy on the fire element; this place needs more water to put it in harmonic balance under the feng shui principles. Egads, that broken stone pillar should be facing north, and LOOK at that poison arrow from the open door! The party shouldn't camp here. The sloped stone ceiling with exposed wooden beams will wreck havoc with our energies. I start piling smooth blue stones in the northwest corner.
5. Keebler Elf
Dungeon Master: That's a static maneuver with a -3 difficulty.
Keebler Elf: [Bites lip and rolls dice]
Dungeon Master: ooOHhhh ... I'm sorry, looks like you were only able to get three fudge stripes on the lembas wafer.
Fighter: THREE fudge stripes? What kind of half-assed cookie is that? We killed ORCS for you, man.
4. Combat Gardener
Much like a druid defending his or her grove, so too, was a gardener nearly unbeatable on his home turf. Plus, he had the advantage of many, many REALLY sharp implements. Sadly, a gardener's effective plot was limited to about ten square feet per level, and frequently contained only radishes, cabbage, and turnips.
That's not to say that a turnip couldn't be used in a well-rounded campaign. Aside from being a valued spell component for the little-used "Lesser Breathing" spell, it could -- if sharpened and dried properly -- be used to kill a man. A small one. Wearing no armor. Not expecting a turnip to the small of the back in a darkened alley, dropping to the ground with a cry of strangled but well-nourished pain escaping from his quivering lips. You could also make soup.
3. Apocalyptic Priest
An immensely powerful character that's favorable spell-progression came at a high cost. Namely, the character thought the world would end and always had to be within a day's march of a concrete bunker loaded with canned food. Every time the date of The Apocalypse passed and Armageddon failed to happen, you would re-roll to determine when you thought it was gonna happen "really, for sure this time."
The only armor you were allowed to wear was a sandwich-board sigh that said "REPENT." Each time you returned to your bunker there was a 1 in 100 chance that you were right. This ... REALLY pissed off the other players in the party.
2. The Magic Chef
Why, WHY was the Magic Chef so unpopular? Sure, he had no fireball spells, no invisibility, no lightning, no magic missile, and no light spell. But short of the ranger, no other character class could so effectively serve up the corpses of dead creatures. Few realize the horrific potentials of eating the delicious carcasses of your fallen foes! The succulent taste of batwing! The nutritious sight-enhancing stews made from beholder-eyes! The spicy brainfood of blackened mind-flayer tentacles served Cajun style!
1. Pacifist Cleric
There are plenty of ways to play clerics in D&D, but for some reason this one never caught on.
Dungeon Master: The orcs attack your party!
Pacifist Cleric: I remind them that violence solves nothing.
Dungeon Master: Okay ... they all decide to attack you.
Pacifist Cleric: I set myself on fire!